Effective Communication

I've written at length on several occasions about the dangers of gossip, and it's interesting to note that in at least one part of the world gossip is now actually illegal!

After malicious gossip led to murder and several wrongful arrests in a small town in Colombia, local officials decided they had enough. The town's mayor declared gossip to be a crime punishable by up to four years in prison. Spreading false rumors can also make citizens liable for a fine of up to $150,000.

"Human beings must be aware and recognize that having a tongue and using it to do bad is the same as having dynamite in their mouths," said the official municipal decree issued last year in Icononzo, 40 miles southwest of the capital, Bogota. Locals claim that it has already had an impact by making people "think twice" about what they say.

Well, how effective this legal activism will be in the long term I don't know, but let's hope that the desired impact on the good folk of Icononzo will be a lasting one and its beneficial effects will spread to other areas!

Yes, gossip is bad. But what I want to do today is take the discussion one stage further.

The Divine gift of the power of speech, common to all members of the human race, is a rather complex one. In practice, it's difficult to remain in neutral gear. You're either raising people up, or putting them down.

I'd like to quote here an inspiring childhood reminiscence of my colleague Bob Burg. It's been told and retold in many places over the last few years, and he recounted it again in a recent issue of his very popular e-zine, Winning Without Intimidation, in honor of his parents' wedding anniversary.

Bob's parents were having carpets installed in their home, and the crew boss was , as Bob puts it, "one of those stereotypical beer-guzzlin' hard-livin' guys." At lunch break, the 12 year-old Bob listened in as his Dad went to talk to the boss:

The boss said, "This is an expensive job. Women will really spend your money, won't they?"

Dad responded, "Well, I'll tell you, when they were right there with you before you had any money, it's a pleasure to do anything for them you possibly can."

This wasn't the answer he expected. He was looking for negative talk about wives which, to him, was natural. He tried again, "But, gee, they'll really play off that and spend all they can, won't they?"

Dad replied, as I knew he would, "Hey, when they're the reason you're successful, you want them to do the things they enjoy. There's no greater pleasure." Strike two.

The crew boss tried one more time, "And they'll take that as far as they can, huh?" Dad responded, "She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'd do anything to make her happy."

I was trying not to laugh. I knew he wanted Dad to give in just a little bit and say, "Yeah, I guess that's true." But I knew that wouldn't happen..not in a million years!

Whether or not the boss was astute enough to learn from this what respect for one's spouse - and by extension, for other people - really means, Bob believes that this particular conversation was one of the most powerful lessons a young boy in his formative years can receive.

What can we learn from all this? Firstly and most importantly, refraining from negative speech isn't really enough. Refined human beings will train themselves to make "GoodSpeak" a part of their natures. For most people, it's not something that comes automatically and requires practice like other worthwhile things, but according to the effort will be the reward.

Second, putting others down or speaking positively about them doesn't only mean talking in their presence. Thirdly, gossip doesn't only mean speaking in disparaging fashion about a specific individual; it applies also to negative speech about a whole group or class of people.

What are you doing to make GoodSpeak an essential part of your everyday life?

Labels: interpersonal relationships

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