Effective Communication

In my previous post, I cited a story that showed quite dramatically how a group of youngsters had lost their sensitivity to the horrors of violence, thanks to the negative impact of TV, the movies, and perhaps even the books and newspapers they were in the habit of reading. But then, what's new? Nor is this phenomenon confined to people in their formative years.

That's why I referred to the media as a kind of mental anesthetic. But what we really need to ask ourselves is this: Exactly how potent is this anesthetic? Is a normal person's natural aversion to extreme aggressiveness all that it kills, or does its desensitizing power reach further, to less obvious, more subtle, but equally important areas?

As a first step, consider this brief imaginary conversation around the office water cooler in one of the most popular articles on our site, Tracy Peterson Turner's How to Put an End to Office Gossip:

Ted: Bob, did you hear about Tim? He got a great promotion.
Bob: Really? What for?
Ted: Apparently he did a job for the boss and the boss liked it; so Tim got the promotion. I think they're friends, and that probably helped.

Tracy correctly points out that as soon as Ted put in his own speculation about the reason Tim got the promotion, Ted crossed the line between sharing Tim's good news and gossiping. Yes, it's a line that's sometimes extremely fine, but it's a line you cross at your peril, and worse still, at the peril of your victim (and "victim" is a word that's appropriate in this context) and even of all those around you.

Tracy's excellent article explains in detail why, and how you can tell when you're about to cross the line. But why is there a need to write such an article at all? Why, nowadays, is talking about other people in a depreciating way so common in the workplace and everywhere else?

Yes, the inclination to gossip is nothing more or less than basic human nature. Always was, and doubtlessly always will be. We can't run away from that. On the other hand, the mark of a cultured human being has always been the the ability, and more importantly, the will, to control his or her urges. The head rules the heart.

So why do folk in our generation have such a hard time restraining themselves from conduct that may be pleasant in itself, but which they know deep down is harmful to themselves and harmful to those among whom they live, work and play?

Of course, the reasons are many and varied, and I've no intention of trivialize the complexity of the issue. All I want to do is to draw attention to one aspect, which at least might shed a little light on the subject.

Which brings us back to the media. Let's take a closer look at your typical newspaper, online news source, magazine or other medium offering political or social commentary.

As I mentioned last time, a major function of the media is to act as the public watchdog against injustice, corruption, bad government, and similar things. In the course of so doing, it has to uncover what it has to uncover and reveal what it has to reveal.

Fine. But why must every "respectable" news outlet, whether in print or on the Internet, have a column or section that is openly and blatantly labeled "Gossip"?

And we, frail mortals that we are who are deeply influenced by what we see and hear - is it any small wonder that we're falling asleep at the wheel of life, so to speak, that we're casting off whatever remains of our sense of healthy shame, and speedily losing our sensitivity to all things sacred?

Labels: interpersonal relationships

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